A Punch in the Gills

"Commas are important. They can change a lot. For example: Tickle me, Elmo."

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"Hello. I'm your great grandfather... Clock."

"Did you hear? Grandfather clock had a stroke!"

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"Y'know, the prefix 'be' means 'taken off' when you're saying 'beheaded,' but it doesn't really work in any other circumstance. Like betrothed."

"I've lost my trothe! Or besmirched."

"Someone stole my smirch! Or benighted."

"Nope, not yours. Betrayed."

"The waiter came and took my tray. It was then I realized--I had been betrayed."

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"Brilliant deduction."

"Yes, let me show you de duck shun. Duck, get away. You deserve naught but misery."

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"See that constellation? Yeah that's the Double Dipper. Also known as Jerkos Major. Son, never be like him."

A More Accurate Time Share

"Guess what we won for the Andies?"

"What?"

"An alarm clock. And there were two of us. It wouldn't really work out."

"You could do a timeshare thing."

"Ahahaha!"

"Pun not intended."