Are we human? Or are we Gladiator?

"So there's a ballet dancer and a gladiator walking through a forest. Now, the ballet dancer is kinda flouncy, and is singing "are we human? Or are we dancer!" incessantly and ergo, is driving the gladiator nuts. Because he's a man. Now, this particular forest happens to be filled to the brim with bears, and, since the ballet dancer forgot to hang her trash from a tree, they come out and eat her. They don't bother the gladiator for obvious reasons. He chuckes and says, "Well, I'm glad 'e ate 'er."

Davy Jones' Organs Are Just Like Ours

"Davy Jones."

"Hm?"

"That's what it says on that canoe over there."

"Boy am I glad I'm not sitting in there..."

"Why does this canoe have a hole in the bottom and lead bricks pasted to the inside?"

"It's the ferry to Davy Jones' Locker."

"I wonder if he locks his locker?"

"Probably not. I mean, it's at the bottom of the sea."

"That's a good point. It probably is too rusted out to lock anyway."

"Maybe Davy Jones isn't actually a fearsome pirate. Maybe he's just a purveyor of faulty goods."

"Davy Jones' facewash! WARNING: YOU MAY SPROUT TENTACLES OUT THE FACE."

"Davy Jones' cutoff jeans! We make them WHILE you're wearing them! Free peg leg with every pair."

"Davy Jones' pirate hooks! That's probably where awkward pirates come from."

"Davy Jones' poop deck! Just like how it sounds."

"Davy Jones' body piercing. Gangrene guaranteed."

"Davy Jones' scurvy tablets! Each one filled with a vitamin C rich mixture of old toothpaste and sawdust."

"Davy Jones' gold teeth. They're really just corn seeds."

"Boy. THAT'S awkward."

1000 [hits] is the number of tums I took today

"Here, Jon, hold this."

"Sure thing, just call me Johnny Cupholder."

"He can hold 5 or even 6 cups ALL AT THE SAME TIME. And even more at different times."

"I have three hands and pockets in my pockets!"

"Sprockets in your pockets!"

"Pockets on the sprockets in your pockets!"

"What's a sprocket?"

"I dunno, but I know Spaceley makes them."