Paint, Pig, Paint

“That hand motion makes it look like you're shaking a gallon of paint.”

“A pig?”

“Yes. And you're telling it to get back to work. No! Paint!”

Popcorn Grandma

Seen on a Rosauer's readerboard:

“Fresh!

Baked!

Grandma!

Dinner!

Rolls.”



“Jiffy

Corn

Muffin Mix!”

“Makes me think of popcorn muffins.”

"They'd have to be some pretty big kernels."

Have You Ever Actually Heard of Anyone Dying From a Lightning Strike?

“Soul sucking surge protector sandals.”

“You could get struck by lightning and survive.”

“All that would happen is your sandals would explode.”

High as a Kite Tops

"This food must be laced with something, like arsenic or lead. I'm not feeling too well."

"Yeeessss. It's laced with DOILIES!"

"Ah that explains it."

"And my shoes are laced with LACES!"

You Guys Sounded Super Good

"ἑμποδίζει σεαυτόν"

"Why'd you say that?"

"It's the only thing I could think of."

"You could say that about anything."

"Nose sweater."

"Potato shoes."

"Totem toes."

"Why'd you say that?"

"It's the only thing I could think of!"

"What do you call a lot of Polish people standing on eachothers' heads?"

"Totem poles!"

Gheedle Gheedle Gheedle

"I want some darned fresh fruit!"

"Youuu can't darn fruit."

"I'm good with a needle."

"Maybe the needle is good with you. Do you guide the needle or does the naid gheedle you?"