A Punch in the Gills

"Commas are important. They can change a lot. For example: Tickle me, Elmo."

-----

"Hello. I'm your great grandfather... Clock."

"Did you hear? Grandfather clock had a stroke!"

-----

"Y'know, the prefix 'be' means 'taken off' when you're saying 'beheaded,' but it doesn't really work in any other circumstance. Like betrothed."

"I've lost my trothe! Or besmirched."

"Someone stole my smirch! Or benighted."

"Nope, not yours. Betrayed."

"The waiter came and took my tray. It was then I realized--I had been betrayed."

-----

"Brilliant deduction."

"Yes, let me show you de duck shun. Duck, get away. You deserve naught but misery."

-----

"See that constellation? Yeah that's the Double Dipper. Also known as Jerkos Major. Son, never be like him."

Swollen Presence

"Staab, you're still here?"

"Yes. I think I'm sick."

"You have stay-here-itis."

"The swelling of the stay here."

"That actually makes perfect sense.

Unique New York

"I always end up saying 'unique Yew Nork.'"

"Sounds like a moral at the end of a story. 'If you Neek, you nork."

"Isn't there something called a nark?"

"Yeah. Like a Narcoleptics Officer."

"...State Farm is there."

Sheep Talking

"I was falling asleep just now, and when I opened my eyes, I thought Mr. Schlect was walking around carrying a half empty pie pan."

Desirable Runnnings

Christian: "Coolness is basically being in a desirable state, right?"

"Yeah, that's why I like you. You're in such a desirable state."

"Why yes I am. I'm very desirable."

"You know what else? It's fairly desirable outside today."

"I had to put on a coat this morning because the weather was so desirable."

"You can go ahead and put the drinks in the desirable-er."

"The desirablator."

"The desirabilitator."

"Desirable beans."

Inntertuba

"You need to get in touch with your inntertube."

"My central vacuole?! I'm under a lot of pressure!"

"What?! Contractile vacuole?!"

"SPLEURGH!"

"Whelp, there's my lunch."

The Way of Curds

The conflict presently going on in the Middle East may be considered, in part, a war between the Kurds and the American Whey.